Every child's life begins with love,affection, and selfless sacrifice of their parents. Children learn to walkand understand life and dream ways of growing up,always staying side by side with their procreators.Moms and Dads,sacrificing their love, time and resources, weave a web of profound dreams forthe bright future of their offspring. It is their desired expectation that their dreams and their progeny's dreams will blossom at the same time, and as a result, their future will be stirred up with unending joy. In the present social system, parents are havingtheir places in Old Age Homes or nursing homes at their advanced age,under the plea of the influence of the Western world and the modern socialization, which is not only heart-rending but also a pitiless reality that has been degraded into an extreme disaster of humanity. There, loneliness, negligence and deep mental anguish become companions of their life. Every door of anOld Age Home is as if a symbol of wait, for having the touch and closeness of their loved ones. Their days glide away, yearning for the love of their near and dear ones, and also the presence of their loved ones is just then a memory.
Although, in the Western world, the concept of Old Age Homes has been prevalent for long, it is now becoming increasingly evident in Bangladesh. In such circumstances, we need to think about whether any negative anti-human culture is being implemented in our society without proper and top-to-bottom analysis. When a parent grows physically weak and has to depend on medical treatment, he or she needs more service and care, a touch of love and the closeness of their loved and dear ones. But, instead, that very moment, they are being pushed away and at last left atan Old Age Home. Though these Homes provide modern living amenities and improved medical treatment along with ample care, the pure love of the offspring, brought up with selfless care within the bond of tender parental attachment, remains totally absent. Children are the sources,soothing eyes of parents. No parents can feel mentally sound keeping away their children out of sight.
Though many times they are adapted to and many a time they pretend to feel well-all these are for the happiness, peace and prosperity of children. Even, while parents are sheltered inOld Age Homes, parents pray for their children so that their children, when they reach theirold age, do not have to end up their days like them. Serving old parents by children does not mean just carrying out their responsibilities, but there is an inherent bliss and self-satisfaction in it. Some people are in fact running after the mirage when they are in quest of real happiness.In the words of Rabindranath Tagore:
They seek love for happiness,
but love is not available,
only happiness goes away,
such is the deception of illusion.......
They forget
whom they want leaving whom.......
In fact, there is no need of seeking love or anything else for happiness; one should seek happiness for the sake of happiness. We have to create opportunities to learn and understand the ethical teachings through family, society and educational institutionsas what are to give up and what are to hold fast for worldly happiness. Examples are to be made by rendering nursing and services to elderly parents, being so close to them in their most helpless and difficult times of life. This example will be a great lesson for the next generation. Parents should be the center of a family at all stages of life. It is a heartless and suicidal decision to have parents segregated from the family, keeping them away, for the sake of happiness of the family. The child who is keeping his parents away today will also grow old one day. Perhaps he will never expect that his fate will be like his parents. So, a healthy, normal and conscientious person can never think of being happy by keeping his parents away.
The presence of old parents in the family strengthens the family bond. Many people do not understand that true happiness lies in the simple human actssuch as living with parents, meeting their needs, and sharing their joys and sorrows. Even, when old parents live with their children, grandchildren, and relatives during their last days, they can still play an important role byoffering various decisions in the family matters. The success or failure of future generations creates emotional upheaval in them. They dream of living longer period of time in close proximity with their family members. But, parents living their lone lives in miserable worklessstate in Old Age Homes find no motivation to live well. At these extremely neglected moments of life, solitary parents have nothing else to do but, as if, to wait for death. In a story titled "What Men Live By" by Leo Tolstoy, it is found that an angel lives among people in order to know "How do people live?" In response to this enquiry, he discovered that people live because of love. The only support for old parents to survive in their last days is the proximity and love of the family. In a lonely state of life without family and love, people lose their inspiration to live.
Does not 'Old Age Home' point to a kind of disaster on the part of our
religious and social values? In Islam, showing regard to parents and
providing them with services have been mentioned with great importance.
The Holy Quran says, "Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but
Him, and be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old
age during your lifetime, do not pronounce to them a word of 'Uh', nor
scold them, but speak to them in a polite manner." (17:23). It is very
evident from this Verse (Ayat) what a dignified position The Gracious
Allah Has bestowed on parents. It is worth thinking of how much our
society has been able to imbibe this lesson.
Does not 'Old Age Home' point to a kind of disaster on the part of our religious and social values? In Islam, showing regard to parents and providing them with services have been mentioned with great importance. The Holy Quran says, "Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age during your lifetime, do not pronounce to them a word of 'Uh', nor scold them, but speak to them in a polite manner." (17:23). It is very evident from this Verse (Ayat) what a dignified position The Gracious Allah Has bestowed on parents. It is worth thinking of how much our society has been able to imbibe this lesson. There is nothing wrong with it that children should be brought up in such a way that they can reach the pinnacle of success and also to make them dream of becoming great in life. Yet, religious education and the cultivation of ethics and morality must be the foundation of all education. The sense of humanity cannot flourish from a position, bereft of family and social ties and also of spiritual relations.
By materializing the above fundamental teachings in our life,we must have to set examples before the next generation as they live along with families. It would be transmitted from generation to generation if respect is shown to parents in front of children. The opinions of elders of families must be given importance at the time of taking decisions on different matters and that for interests of own selves. The teachings of the holy Prophet (Sm) will gain ground only with the carrying out of services to parents…….one should always wait on performing duties towards mother, because heaven lies under her feet." (SunaneyIbneNasaye: 3104) and…the best door to heaven is father." If you desire you can break it or look after it (Mishkat: 910).
Not only in Islam but also in other religious Scriptures, the responsibilities towards parents are strongly emphasized; for example, in the Bible it is said, "Honour your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lordi. e. your God has given you" (Exodus 20:21). It is mentioned in 11 Clause (Anubak) in the Upanishad that, "one should not be indifferent to performing your duties to Gods and fathers; also mother, father, guests and priests must be worshipped, deeming them as your gods." Then why family, society and educational institutions are proving themselves failure to impart the teachings characterized by ethics, morality and religious principles, and indeed it is a matter to think of. So, it is necessary to shed light on this issue to strengthen our society, culture and both social and family ties. It is our responsibility to be aware that such a culture of any other society, shorn of moral and ethical principles, may not debase and pollute our society. It demands consideration whether it is proper and justified to build up a place such as Old Age Home and to create opportunities of sending old parents there in exile. However, the matter related to the childless old parents is different; society and the state will make appropriate arrangements for them; in no way it can be a universal arrangement. Society must be trained and enlightened through the execution of responsibility that Allah the Almighty has assigned for parents. As He says in the Holy Quran, "Bow down your heads before them with love and humility and say, O Lord, have mercy on them both, as they brought me up when I was a child" (17:24).
In our socio-cultural context, 'family' still means the bond of love between and among all members, where parents, children and grandchildren are all drawn in emotional effusions like laughter, tears, love and affection. This invaluable bond is heavenly as well as endearing. Family is not only the center of blood ties; it is the primary basis for learning values, humanity and ethics.This social and family bond cannot be allowed to be destroyed. In this context, let me tell you an inspiringevent from our society-a woman has eight children. Everyone leads a separate domestic life in question of reality and in an urge for earning livelihood. After the demise of that woman's husband,she lived for 32 years. At that time, a psychological war began among the eight children to get or keep her close.The older she had grown the more respect and love among her children kept on increasing and that everyone wanted to keep her close. The house where the old mother lived was alwaysfrequented by a number of relatives and friends to see andmeether. She could not do much work and could not make decisions, yet she was treated as the chief figure of the family. The most prestigious seat at the dinner table or any other gathering was earmarked for her; also it was a family tradition to get her consent before implementing any decision.
The main reason for her respect in the family was that she was a 'mother'. Even before her death, her children, grandchildren, and relatives used to crowd at the front of the hospital where she was admitted. Everyone came forward to bearing the medical expenses for her as per their ability. Our society is replete with many such events; there also exist values and expectations of true happiness. The family still feels happiness when salvaging the memory and passes time in quest of tranquility. This sort of matter exerts tremendous influence on their grandchildren. Even such gestures of theirs are looked upon as a vivid, hopeful and an amazing picture by the next generation and near and dear ones.
In reality, when parents reach old age, they also become dependent like children. At that time, they need the close touch of the family, the love and affection of their children the most. The greatest expectation of parents is that their beloved children should stay by their side, talk a little, hold hands, and sit close with smiling faces. This attitude is not too much; this kind of love they deserve. The duty of the child is to hold on to that love and ensure their overall safety and dignity. Keeping parents in the family and fulfilling children's responsibilities to them with care and love is not only a social duty, it is a spiritual and religious duty, too. Almighty Allah says in the Holy Quran: "And We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents. His mother bore him with severe hardship. She feeds the child with her breast milk. We have enjoined on him: Be grateful to Me and to your parents. To Me is the final return." (31:14) Therefore, religious teachings must be believed wholeheartedly. At the same time, if everyonefrom educational institutions and families make joint efforts, a generation will be created in the future who will consider serving their parents as a part of their duties and come out as sharers of pride. If we do not stand by our parents in their last moments, we will not only lose our humanity, but we will also cease to exist. The greatest fortune for a child is to have the opportunity to serve their parents while they are alive. So, come, let us be fortunate to share in that blessing and build the family on the ideals of ethics and morality through love and responsibility.
The writer is Major General, BSP, ndc, AFWC, psc, MPhil, PhD of the Bangladesh Army and Vice-Chancellor of Bangladesh University of Professionals (This article is translated by Prof Dr Gazi Abdulla-helBaqui, a poet, writer, translator, researcher and an academician)
