Remember that childhood math problem? The one with monkey trying to climb a greased pole; 3 meters up, slides down 2? Well, Bangladesh cricket is that monkey. Only difference? Sometimes they forget to climb altogether.
After a trademark loss to Zimbabwe in Tests, Bangladesh’s next magic trick was to get thoroughly outplayed by United Arab Emirates. UAE; the one known more for luxury shopping than cricketing supremacy. The same UAE where cricketers double as office workers, taxi drivers and part-time Instagram influencers. Bangladesh? Full-time professionals. Franchise-hoppers. And, as it turns out, full-time underachievers.
But fear not. BCB director Nazmul Abedeen Fahim assures us, ''This is part of the process.'' What process? Nobody knows. But it's got a lot of backward steps in it. Think moonwalking, only without the rhythm. “Sometimes to go two steps forward, we go one back,” he says. The only problem is, we seem stuck in reverse.
Captain Liton Das, on the other hand, took philosophical route. “Losing is part of life,” he mused after losing T20 series to a team ranked six spots below.
UAE practiced with wet balls because of evening dew. Bangladesh? They were still packing for Pakistan. Opponent analysis? Who needs that when you're powered by blind optimism and muscle memory?
So while Emiratis studied Liton’s trigger movement and Mustafizur’s slower balls like they were final exam questions, our boys were probably brushing up on flight itineraries. The result? UAE’s Wasim, Zohaib and Sharafuddin looked like a cross between Shane Warne, Jacques Kallis and Virat Kohli. And we made them look that way. With love and no resistance.
But it gets better. A fan booed from Sharjah stands and Shamim Hossain, rather than saving runs on the field, tried to save his ego off it. He charged toward the fan. Maybe that’s the only aggressive run Bangladesh completed all series.
In fielding, we slipped. In batting, we stumbled. In bowling, we bent like a palm tree in a storm. And the coaching staff? Probably looking for the same “learnings” they’ve been searching for since 2007.
Yet the players believe all this will vanish if they win a single match against Pakistan next week. That’s like thinking one gym session will reverse 10 years of junk food.
Let’s not forget; around this same time last year, we lost a T20 series to USA. USA! A country where cricket is still a minor sport, just below competitive cheese rolling and above Quidditch.
So here we are. Another year, another associate nation, another series loss and another “learning experience.” Only this time, even greased pole is embarrassed. The monkey? It’s just sitting at the bottom, scrolling through IPL reels and wondering where it all went wrong.
Maybe next time we lose to Nepal or Germany, we’ll finally write that motivational book, “How to fall gloriously while everyone else climbs.”
