We need to love and to be loved

What is love? Does love lead to marriage or marriage leads to love? So many questions, theories about love, and relationships have evolved over the years. To answer the first question I would say that when we feel an extreme feeling of attachment, need, and affection towards someone, we tend to assume to be fallen in love. Next, we dream to marry and spend the rest of our life with the person with whom we fell in love. But does love exist after marriage? Well, it varies from person to person or relationship to relationship. Unfortunately, the present scenario shows that most of the couples discover their intensity of adoration enormously reduced after marriage. Though most of the couples are currently getting hitched just when they know they love each other so it is truly shocking why marriages are fizzling regardless of the way that most relationships are willful. There may be a lot of reasons for love to fade over time after marriage. But I want to emphasize the tendency in us of putting 'me' or 'I' first, may be the most common reason for which love dies after marriage. We are so much into ourselves these days that our self-absorbed mind does not allow us to think about our partner. We are so preoccupied with our own opinions, own thoughts, and own decisions that we lack emotional intimacy with our partners. No matter what relationship we look at, when we always prioritize ourselves over other's feelings or thoughts, love gradually crawls out of that relationship.
Moreover, responsibilities, accountability, the pressure of fulfilling expectations of the society often suppress love and affection. Getting too busy, spending less time with the spouse, paying more attention to virtual life than real life- all these reasons also lead to the death of love and affection in a marriage. The present scenarios expose that couples become so busy with their work and maintaining social life that they stop communicating with each other.  They often miss having meaningful conversations and this leads to the downfall of their relationship. As a result, misunderstandings take place and they go unaddressed and then emotional walls cannot be penetrated. Moreover, day to day duties become their priorities and they slowly drift apart. Besides, untreated addictions and mental ailment can lead to developing disappointment as well as a progressive relationship breakdown. Distance grows and grows. The pain of not relating to each other might reach the limit that couples can't clear things out, so they leave each other.
Let's come to think of the effect of a loveless marriage on the children. The most dangerous consequence of having no love between couples often results in bitterness in the children. Since a family is the single most critical impact in a child's life, belonging to a dysfunctional family, a child seems to grow low self-esteem and poor self-image. Not only that, but a child, with time, also becomes so pessimistic that he or she starts feeling that something is missing in life.  There is no hope for a better and peaceful future in a child's life. Unfortunately, adults seem to be so engrossed with their problematic issues and torment that they don't grant their children what they require and crave such as love, security, consistent affection, and attention, and so on. As a result, the children feel unwanted and it often causes them to feel unimportant and unworthy of love and attention. In such cases, children don't grow up with a sense of belief and security because they watch their caregivers or parents are conflicting and undependable.
An article named 'Causes of increasing divorce rate: In the context of World & Bangladesh' by Mohammed Mahir Faisal, highlighted that, "Relationships have become complex in the modern days. 'Marriage' which once said that 'made in heaven' failed to bring heavenly joy among modern couples. Compatibility and mutual understanding is the major problem which modern couples are facing in these days. A shift in the role and responsibility of the parents bringing a lot of tension in the family system. Children who grow up in such a negative atmosphere have a lot of effects. Heated tensions, unfulfilled desires, and misunderstandings will lead the couples to end their relationships. Breakups have become so common and the divorce rate has been increasing tremendously. What are the reasons for divorce? Why relationships are falling apart?'
Some of the family lawyers stated various reasons for the growth in divorce rate and the disappearance of affection is one of the major reasons why marriages fail. When two people don't feel for each other, they don't care much about working on whatever issues arise in their relationship. Once the marriage has weakened to the point of being complete without cherishing, life partners likely can't communicate successfully and the relationship falls apart.
It is very interesting to notice that we often tend to forget to ask ourselves how to love explicitly.
Why do we lose love for the same person with whom we dream to spend the whole life!
Well to me, love is more than an emotion - it's a verb, an action - that we illustrate persistently regardless of how we happen to feel on any given day. If you nurture your love, it doesn't fade away. And this world needs love, we all need to love and to be loved as well.
Written by Bineeta Rahman, Lecturer, Brac Institute of Languages,
Brac University.